It’s been a while

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog post.

I think I got caught up in something, and the longer I left it, the harder it seemed to surmount the invisible wall and press the publish button. It's not that I haven't been writing. I have. I started a 'Method Writing' course last year; I am now on level 4. It's been amazing to learn how to write like I talk, to not try and be 'writerly' but to be me and to write with nothing on my mind, to show up with no agenda and see what unfolds. I like the surprise of seeing what I write, and it often starts with a feeling, an energy, that wants to move through me and take form into words.

And that's why writing is important to me. The creative process is not intellectual; it's instinctual. There is a desire to allow something to express itself through me. To share something true and real, not something dressed up to sound clever or wise, but to let the deeper voice take command of my hands.

As I sit here now, at my desk, the sun is shining in through the windows. It's a bright light today, so bright that I keep squinting my eyes. I can smell the fragrance coming from an unlit candle to my right, and next to that is a white-framed picture of my little dog, Pickle. Her brown eyes stare out at me, like she is willing me on, or maybe cracking the whip; I am not sure.

I recognize that as I write, my mind fills up with questions and doubts. That invisible wall shores itself up against the energy of my uncertainty. My mind is trying to know something it can't know. It wants clarity, it wants to feel safe, and certain that this will be ok. And that's what's been stopping me. But I am learning to let my body do the talking. I have been exploring this thing called a 'felt sense'. It's intuitive, not cognitive. And the felt sense is that I want to be free; I want to write and share something from the heart. I want to be messy and visible, and not keep hiding away.

Because to me, freedom isn't hiding from the discomfort of mental uncertainty; it's letting the felt sense move through me and guide me into action.

I have so much more I could say, but for today, I am going to keep it simple. There is more to come from me, some new ideas taking shape, and lots of work to do. My hope is that I will keep showing up, keep moving my attention away from my mind that always wants clarity, and let my body and intuition do the talking.

Thanks for reading

Mel

x

Pickle Hopwood - watching my every move ;-)